isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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