FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
