I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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