So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
