Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
