I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
