note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
