I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
