he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
