saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize