Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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