i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
