Cold hands, warm shart.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
