we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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