So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
