How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
