I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
