if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
