she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
