I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize