i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
