I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
