Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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