I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
