just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
