It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
