i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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