There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
