i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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