Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
