if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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