I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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