I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
