But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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