As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
