I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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