You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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