I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
