We're like a lot better than the average bears
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
