Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize