youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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