now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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