I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
