Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize