my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
either way he was missing a nipple.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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