Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
