No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize