Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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