First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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