You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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