Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
