How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
