i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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