I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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