I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
