i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
