My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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