well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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