My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
