I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
