Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
