Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You pole danced in your parka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
