He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize