I want to make a zoo with you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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