I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
