It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
