That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
