Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize