office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize