i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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