Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
