road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
