cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
